The Doors...

Its been quite an eventful week. After a short but asinine selection process, LA County has deemed me worthy of filling the position of Social Worker. Needless to say it came as a surprise, even more so to my current job as they had no clue that I was even looking elsewhere for employment. It always amazes me how "the powers that be" tend to think that the chess game they play with people's lives is unbeatable, and that we pawns on the chess board will remain still until they make a move. But one thing that I've always prided myself on is my ability to read the entire board and to anticipate my opponents next move. My strategy doesn't always bode in my favor, I've won many and I've lost even more, but at the end of the day, I walk away knowing that I took a risk; and because of that I can sleep well at night.

In addition to the new job, there was also a potential new/old love interest that has appeared on the horizon. Things started out blissful and fresh as they always do, the whirlwind consumed us both and I had found reason to smile beyond my usual cheesiness. So have you picked up on the use of past tenses yet? If not, then perhaps the next few phrases will prepare you for the inevitable "But" that is most assuredly coming. Things are good, all the right things are being said and done.....all except one. It has come to my attention that "making time" is a foreign concept to the man of the hour, and that other things in his life (a life that is still a bit of a mystery to me) are of more importance than face to face time. And I, being the "no nonsense, zero tolerance for bullshit" woman that I am simply have no desire to plead my case, nor do I have the patience to explain to a grown ass man the importance of making time for the one you claim to be genuinely interested in. I do believe they cover that topic in high school, or at least should...hell my 18 year old even knows this. So, is this a fixable dilemma...yes it is. All I need to do is revisit what I learned in therapy about "communicating the undesirable", and express to him in a non judgmental way exactly what it is I require of him (leaves a bile taste in my mouth just thinking about it). So perhaps I will show some growth and speak up...I'll keep you posted.

In light of all that has been happening here on the Cali side of things, I keep hearing the phrase "doors are opening up" from a few of my friends; one who ventured further to say that the "right" door has now been open and that I should stop looking for anything better. That really stood out to me, and the first thought that came to me after she said it is "why would I stop?" Why on earth would I ever stop searching for anything better, a better job, better health (physical and mental), better education....a better home....a better life? To me, the day you stop searching for better, is the day you stop living and just continue on existing. Life after all, is a process; you're born, you're taught how to survive, you put what you learned to use while learning new things, you make mistakes, you pass on what you learned to new learners and then you die. I know I will leave this earth feeling like there was something that I could have done "better", and that's okay. But what isn't okay is for me to take what's behind these "doors" as my queue to stop searching for more. They are doors that lead to more puzzle pieces; pieces that God Himself has designed just for me. So the search does indeed continue, and as I've said from the beginning, I will remain open to EVERY possibility that presents itself. Its getting very interesting though...T-299