Blind Side...

Things have continued to be full steam ahead with me finding my home; I've been looking at housing costs and the job markets of the three places that I've narrowed my search down to, and have been in the process of setting up a trip to Atlanta before year end. All has been great and I have been impressed with my progress. And then, as I talked about in my previous post, I get the call about working for LA County, which forced me to look at the prospect of possibly staying here in California. In all honesty, that thought never really entered my mind, I mean, considering I've been miserable here for the past 3 years why would I even entertain the thought. But being the carrot chaser that I am, I decided to follow this job lead down the rabbit hole for now, and see what the next turn will be. So that was my only hiccup last week, I took all of those mind numbing psych exams for this new job, and am now awaiting the outcome, and I continued on with my search being no worse for ware..... or so I thought.

A couple days ago I reached out to someone I was seeing in an effort to clear the air of a bad ending. But a conversation that I started with a simple "I'm sorry have a good life" , ended with him saying words that no man has never said to me before; "Don't Go." I sat there on the phone, verbally paralyzed and completely out of my element of control. What did he mean "Don't go"? Was he for real, or was he trying to hurt me? Nevermind that I called him to apologize, after telling him I never wanted to hear his voice again. For an instant, nothing that I had said before made sense. What do I do now? Why was I leaving? Where was I going? He had me twisted, and it wasn't over flowery words or empty promises no, he had me twisted because he's the only man who's ever gone out on a limb by asking me to stay. He told me he wants the chance to really know me and to one day be the man I love. Really California, Really???? UGH!!

Here I am trying to get the Hell up out of here, and fate is throwing curve balls left and right! The two main things that I long for in finding a home; a career with purpose and a love of a lifetime, are now ripe for the taking.....but in THIS freakin' state! See what happens when you seek out change, you find it oftentimes in the most inopportune ways. But being the control maven that I am, I reminded both he and myself that this quest that I'm on is not a phase or an impulse, it is my genuine hearts desire to finally be at peace and to finally put my internal gypsy to rest. And no matter who, what, or where I end up, it will be where I'm meant to be. My mind is all over the place, dazed and confused over all that has happened, but when I set out to do this I promised myself that I would remain open to whatever presents itself. So I guess this is fate's way of calling my bluff. Damn, I seemed to have misplaced my blinders...T-306.