To say that this week has been a whirlwind experience would be an understatement. Lots of new developments, all of which have made a profound impact on my already complex existence. So lets get to them!
On Tuesday morning while sitting at my desk sifting through evidence on a fraud case, I received a phone call. Sylvia, from LA County, was calling to offer me a position as a Children's Social Worker (a job that I applied for almost a year and a half ago and had completely forgotten about). As she spoke, I felt bewildered like you do when a phone call wakes you out of a deep sleep. None of the dots were connecting right away because I simply could not remember what it was I had applied for, or why. So being the carrot chaser that I am, I told her "Why yes, I'm still interested. What do I need to do?" And by the end of the conversation, I had an appointment for a fingerprint live scan, along with the daunting task of figuring out the winner between two jobs.
After I hung up, I chuckled to myself as I recalled a recent conversation that I had with God about not feeling like I'm contributing anything to this world. While I enjoy doing fraud (well, not "doing it" but investigating it), lately I've been feeling like I'm not doing anything of real substance. I solve cases and return money back to victims whose accounts had been compromised, but at the end of the day, there's no real reward in that. Its not like I can look these clients in the face and assure them that all is well, shoot most of the time they are ready to cuss me out and blame me for the fraud occurring in the first place. Even though I know my job is important, I don't feel like I'm doing anything that directly impacts a person's life. I'm just another corporate worker doing my eight hours, with no benefits whatsoever, and then going home feeling like I could have done more. So back when I applied for that county position, I thought it would be a good time to explore other careers that would allow me the opportunity to make a difference, in the lives of those who desperately need it the most; children.
I went online and pulled up the LA County jobs website and re-familiarized myself with what I had applied for, then it all came back to me. I recalled it was January of last year, and I was out of work and had applications floating everywhere in the state. I received the notice to test for the Social Worker position, went and stood in line for over an hour just to get in to take the test, and then heard nothing for about a month. Then I got the call to come in for an interview, and then another interview, and then I was placed on this "eligible list", which is a nice way of saying we don't have any openings right now. And so I went on with life. I started working as a temp at the job that I'm currently at, doing fraud investigations which is what I've done for the past 8 years. The temp position turned into what they call "contractor", which means nothing more than being a temp, but with total access to the banks inner workings. Its damn good money, but with no benefits, no vacation and no sick time. Of course, they dangle the "possible permanent position" carrot in front of me to keep me here, but I've been chasing it for almost a year now, and I'm over it. On the flip side, the Social Worker position is full time permanent, with amazing benefits and a retirement package that most would envy, but the starting pay is a considerable drop from what I'm making now. But, I would be doing something that would most definitely be rewarding for both myself and for others in need.
So, I'm in a bit of a pickle; money versus morality, temp versus permanent, the familiar versus something new...ugh I could go on and on. Of course, the question of "if you're planning to move away next year then why should it matter" has been slapping me upside the head as well. But when I decided to take on this quest to find a home, I promised myself that I would remain open to ALL that is presented before me and to not leave a single opportunity unexplored. Boy, talk about practicing what I preach! So my anthem this week has been "you could get with this, or you could get with that", and trying my best to find where "this" is at. The plot thickens... T-313
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