Eat Pray Love Part 1: Mind vs Food...

There aren't too many movies out there in the universe that move me, so when one does come along I consider it my civic duty to share the wealth for those of you out there who may have fallen asleep on the obvious. "Eat, Pray, Love": The three essentials of life right there in the title. Its definitely one of those movies that begs to be experienced, because even I have tried to take control of of each one at some point in my life, and have failed miserably. And so I went, with tissue in one hand, and my diet green tea in the other and most importantly, with an open mind and heart. I walked into that theater expecting no less than to be enlightened, uplifted and completely transformed into the woman that I long to be; but instead, I sat there FURIOUSLY trying to figure out who was following me, and why I never received any royalty checks for my life story, in book form and now on the big screen.


Liz Gilbert is me, I am Liz Gilbert dammit!!! At least, that's what I kept saying to myself as I watched her revisit each of these elements; these things that she (and I) have deprived ourselves of for decades for whatever ridiculous reasons we came up with over the years. While watching her, I too was taken back to the moments where I lost all hope and all control, and when I decided to break away in order to put the pieces back together. I love how Liz was able to embark upon her own discoveries within each element, and put her own spin on each of them without losing any potency. I loved the raw pure emotion and the sheer truth that was shared.


The first truth, eating, is one that I had just made my peace with not two weeks ago. I am one of the many unfortunates who has struggled with, obsessed over and loathed my body for all of my life. And at my heaviest, (a size 18, with heart palpitations, respiratory problems and back pain) I made the decision to do a complete overhaul and became an exercise and food Nazi. Now, 3 years and 58 pounds later, I still look in the mirror and see that really big, out of control woman staring back at me. And so because of that I've been depriving myself of real food, good food "my food", and substituting it with tree bark and air. And for a woman who loves to cook it feels as though I cut off both of my hands.


So I was sitting at my desk at work a couple of weeks ago and I looked at the clock and it said 2:11pm. Now for all of you diet junkies you know that the hours between 2 and 6pm are peak "snacking" hours and are to be avoided like the plague. And I would normally either eat a twig, drink a gallon of water or talk myself down like a crackhead feigning for a fix. But this day....this day I wasn't trying to hear any of it. I didn't want a bag of tasteless chips or popped air. This day, I was HUNGRY!!! So I said "eff it", this is madness! Why am I having this internal conflict over whether or not I should eat something, and not just something, but whatever the fuck I wanted??!! I mean, did I not learn anything over these last 3 years of being a food Nazi? Did I not train myself to do things in moderation, did I not learn about portion control and isn't that what I've been doing all this time???!! Ok, so if I have made these very important lifestyle changes and have continued to to do so all these years, then there's no reason known to man why I should be depriving myself of anything! So I got up, walked downstairs to the vending machine and got me a Snickers bar and yes.....they really do satisfy!!!


So the moral to my story, and to Liz Gilbert's story in the "Eat" segment of the movie, is this: I have absolutely no desire to ever return to that overweight, unhappy woman that existed 3 years ago, but that does not mean that I cannot cook, eat and enjoy the foods that I adore. My obsession with my weight stems from decades of being programmed that men want thin, even brothas who claim to like "thick women" have that expectation of her being fit 'n' thick. But the truth is no matter how much I workout or how much I don't eat, I'll always be a big girl. I mean damn, I'm 5'11! So long as I continue to stay active, take my vitamins, you know, workout on the regular, I'll be just fine. But I'm so over counting calories, cussing out carbs and "just saying no" to food. I'll NEVER be hungry again!!!

Next stop: Pray... T-334